Are You Really What Someone Wanted You To Be? Or What You Should Be?
By: Noushah Arshad
Last evening, I was reading a book when there was a knock at the door. I opened the door and there was my friend, standing and smiling. She came in and and told me that she had brought a movie and she is planning to watch it with me. The movie was 3 Idiots. . . We made a cup of tea for ourselves and started watching it. We watched it with thousands of thoughts flowing in our minds and many feelings returning to our hearts. At certain points we shared laughters and sometimes noticed tears in eachother’s eyes but we never spoke to eachother till the movie finished. At the end, we kept silent for few moments. My friend broke the silence and told me something worth sharing. You can read her story in her own words.
“You know, I’ve always done what my parents wanted me to do. I’ve always been what they wanted me to be and this has made my journey of discovering me more difficult. Since I was a little girl, I’ve been listening to my mom saying, “Meri beti bari ho kar doctor banay gi.” I heard this sentence so many times that it was tuned in me. I never had a chance to think what I wanted for myself. I just thought that I have to be a doctor and make my mom proud of it. She kept on telling me to get extraordinary marks in matric bcz she wanted me to be a shinning student … and guess what? I got 88% marks in matric and my parents were proud of their daughter. They never asked me what I wanted to study further. They just told me that now you have to work harder in FSc (Pre Medical). I said,”Yes”, bowed my head and forgot everything except books and my parent’s dreams. Two years passed by and I was preparing for Medical College Admission Test (MCAT) after clearing Intermediate with exceptional marks. It was here that my life took me to a new path … I couldn’t make it … I was unable to achieve what was tuned in my mind, body and soul. I was broken, but no one thought of what I was going through. There was another order,” Stay home for one year, prepare for the test and try again.” It was the hardest time for me.I never wanted to stay at home. I wanted to move on. I was reluctant to stay but I had no choice.
In that one year, my parents used to be out for jobs, my siblings out for school and tutions and I was all alone at home. That was the time when I met myself, in the silence of my room.I realized who I am and what I want to be. I was introduced to a girl who loved drawing and reading books. The girl inside me was interested in photography, and in writing about life and its phases. She even loved to play, to laugh and enjoy every blessing of Almighty Allah. She loved birds and most of all she had a world of her own. There was so much inside me and I wished to be that girl. She was such a blessed soul and I was nothing compared to her.
Since then I have been trying to be the girl that’s inside me. I was in love with her. I wanted to be an idiot like her. I wished to live my life the way I wanted it to be and I decided that I will take hold of my life as much as I can. First time in my life when I expressed myself in deciding my career was at masters level when I opted for studying business instead of science. And now, that I have completed my masters I am still learning to be myself. I have started writing whatever I want to express in words, I draw sometimes but I am still learning to LIVE my life. I am far away from my destination, but I feel as discovering yourself is a never ending path.
I am getting some sunshine, I am getting some rain. This life is the only chance I have and I’m growing up … I wish to be a complete idiot one day and cherish every single moment of my life.”